Bonewhite
by Selphiebunny
Summary: They sleep in separate beds when Cloud does come home. An inch apart but it might as well be a mile. Tifa and Cloud and nothing in between but distance.


**Bonewhite**

TifaxCloud

_They sleep in separate beds when Cloud does come home. An inch apart but it might as well be a mile._

_we are half alone; our hearts are leaving home, now we don't belong to anyone at all  
somewhere hiding underneath, kicking off the covers while you sleep, you feel alone_

The crying is the worst.

Every night, every quarter past three. Cloud waits and sucks in a breath when he hears the first slow sob, quiet.

Tifa has been like this for the last year. All faux smiles that do not reach her eyes, big brown doe eyes that Cloud can't really resist (like when she packs him a lunch he doesn't eat but is persuaded to take it –you know, just in case).

They sleep in separate beds when Cloud does come home. An inch apart but it might as well be a mile.

Cloud lies on his back and thinks about dark hair that is not hers. He knows Tifa would will is mad if she knew, if she does know? that he _still_, he still thinks about him. She would cry. She does cry when she thinks that he can't hear. He can. He hurts her over and over and all she will do is cry.

There's a hole in his heart that burns like acid in a wound. Every night he thinks that it will stop, that he needs to stop.

He can't –he… won't.

The memories that constantly replay in his fragile mind, they will never fade. Plague his dreams and mold with his subconscious still.

Pink ribbons in her hair blowing in the wind. A fleck of purple in the clear blue of his eyes.

Present time Tifa shivers, sucks in a breath.

Cloud blinks, his hand clenching beside his stomach. Itching to… to what? Comfort her? From what, who?

_You don't know anything about her anymore._

It hurts to not know her. The progress they made last year before Meteor, that was the closest he had felt to complete in a long time. Too long. And for just a chunk of time, he could relate to her. Could be around her without something feeling off.

And god knew they tried after Meteor. Awkward touches in the comfort of the dark, harsh breathing and skin all wrong. Skin too light, too clammy, too soft.

"Tifa," he whispers, and she starts, sits up. Her eyes are wide and redraw, and her lip is bleeding. And he hates it.

"I didn't know you were awake," she murmurs apologetically. Everything about her seems like it's teetering on the edge, just about to fall in to a gaping hole of anguish.

Cloud shakes his head and hoists himself up. His mouth can't quite form a frown, but he can't smile, either. The strap of her tank has fallen down and he stops the urge to fix it. "What's wrong?"

He is… not good with talking about problems, emotions… feelings.

She almost doesn't speak, but then it's like a dam breaking.

"What are we doing, Cloud?" she shifts to stand, her long legs stretching out. "We sleep separately. You don't talk to me anymore. I think, no I know the last conversation we had was if you wanted coffee. That was four days ago, and then you left."

Her stare burns through him, and it hurts, it leaves him without words. But he hasn't had those in so long it doesn't matter. He tries to say something, but nothing comes out. He closes his mouth.

Tifa sighs, walking over to the lone window, resting her arms on the sill. "We're not very good at playing house."

He'd have to agree.

His head somehow falls into his hands and his lip is stuck between his teeth like a survivor trying to get out of a burning volcano. He can't think, not when she's in this mood.

"Is it her –"

"No."

"…him? Z…Zack? It's Zack."

"Stop Tifa, just, I, stop."

For a split second, Cloud is ready to bolt and never come back. He wants to curl up inside himself like last year.

She doesn't say anything, just watches him fall apart.

It's a full painful minute that feels like eighteen before he can speak, can control his breathing. "It's both of them. Tifa, it's not like I don't… it just _haunts_ me. All the time. I can't do this."

He moves to stand but stops when her voice, soft but sharp cuts him off.

"Reno… Reno came by last week. I…"

She swallows thickly. Her shoulders are shaking subtly and it's all Cloud can do not to run. He doesn't want to hear what she's going to say next, prays to a god that won't ever listen to him that she doesn't say –

"We slept together, a-and it wasn't supposed to happen."

Raw, determined. The shaking comes harder, her tiny frame. It's not right. But Cloud is frozen and not in pain or anger. Just confusion. He's not mad, not really.

After all, his memories feel just as real as a body pressed close.

Tifa turns, too quick for him to adjust, and her tears are dried and all that's left on her face is anger and regret. "Don't you care? Aren't you going to say something, anything at all? Cloud," and she's coming closer, kneeling in front of him. "Do I mean anything to you?"

Her hand is cold as it touches his.

The question is weighted, and Cloud has to think carefully.

"…You do mean something, Tifa. I just, I need time. I can't be mad for something you do, when I can't even figure out the difference between reality and illusions."

"Cloud," she whispers brokenly, going boneless. He does get up this time, and he leaves.

Fenrir purrs underneath him, giving him the satisfaction of functioning normally.

He wants to find himself beyond pink ribbons and flecks of purple. He wants brown doe eyes and the tangibility of perfection.

Tifa sits on Cloud's bed, not crying. She clutches his sheets and falls asleep with his name on her chapped lips. In the morning she pretends like Cloud will come back.

But he doesn't.

End probably...

Yes. I've had writers block for the longest time, I can't even tell you. So, hopefully this turned out well, I enjoyed writing it. I adore AC!Tifa. She's so much more likeable and realistic, and I just feel so bad for her in AC. Cloud is somehow reluctantly self-absorbed and it's maddening. Anyway, review?


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